I write this blog post as a tired man. With a newborn at home, as any parent knows, I’m not getting the sleep I want. Our daughter, in all her dainty cuteness, does not seem to care that we have responsibilities to tend to the next day. It seems as though she lost the copy of my schedule I to gave her and she is creating one of her own in each moment. It may seem like I’m complaining, but I actually see my lack of sleep and my constantly adapting schedule to be good things because they are leading me to repentance.
I have come to realize that I often trust in sleep more than I trust in God for the strength I need to take care of my responsibilities each day. In my mind I treat sleep as the all-benevolent provider of my daily needs. Sleep becomes my rest, sleep becomes my refuge, sleep becomes what I yearn for, and sleep is what I think about in my free moments. But sleep never died for me, sleep never adopted me into its family, sleep isn’t going to wipe away every tear from my eyes in eternity, and sleep never said to me “My grace is sufficient”. I am being reminded again that God is the one I need.
Also, I am realizing once again that I’m not in control… God is. I can’t seem to get my daughter to do exactly what I want her to do when I want her to do it. This is maddening until I remember God is in control of every dirty diaper, every squawk of desperation, and every 3 am feeding. When things seem a bit chaotic, they are in perfect working order in God’s plan for my life.
Thank you Lord, and thank you baby Jane for teaching me this.
Look at your own life, what are some pressures you are going through? Now let them lead you to repentance.